I was abused by my brother. I think it stared when i was 11. He sexually abused me and I hated myself for a long time. I went through disastrous schooling, I acted out, was rebellious and aggressive for a long time. I got expelled from school when I was 16, fell in love at 17, and had a baby. My parents supported me in a way that they tried their best to take the baby over. I fought with my whole being to keep her. The whole time, my brother at the time had been mentally abusing me. He was the pet of 7 kids. My father liked a drink a lot. We were all terrified of my dad’s binges- he was like a monster. Then i had the pressure of trying to make sure my big brother didn’t pick on my little sisters and I protected them best I could. I left home to be with my boyfriend but it turned out he was abusive, too. I met another lad an he was abusive as well. I ended that relationship 3 years ago. I took it really badly, I had a breakdown, which involved getting drunk and screaming at my dad about what had happened with my brother, but my family doesn’t believe me. I now have 3 lovely kids that I look after myself. I suffer from depression at times, I can be short tempered, i disassociate myself from people but I know the signs now. I look at that little girl, how brave she was, how smart she was and I hug her and tell her it wasn’t her fault. It still affects me 20 years later and sometimes when I get really down I hate myself. My abuse affects my kids, too, because of how I am today. I believe that if this hadn’t happened to me, I could laugh more and trust people easier. I blame my parents for not wondering what was wrong with this child, who screams in public, wets the bed, and wets herself at school. I was a nightmare child; seriously disturbed. I blame my father the most because even though I love him, he shouldn’t taken care of me. I think I am recovering slowly. Victims of abuse love too easily and then we get hurt too easily. I am tying to step back and go slow with everything i do now. Finally i feel I am growing up and saying good bye to the hurt little girl.