I was abused by my brother. I think it stared when i was 11. He sexually abused me and I hated myself for a long time. I went through disastrous schooling, I acted out, was rebellious and aggressive for a long time. I got expelled from school when I was 16, fell in love at 17, and had a baby. My parents supported me in a way that they tried their best to take the baby over. I fought with my whole being to keep her. The whole time, my brother at the time had been mentally abusing me. He was the pet of 7 kids. My father liked a drink a lot. We were all terrified of my dad’s binges- he was like a monster. Then i had the pressure of trying to make sure my big brother didn’t pick on my little sisters and I protected them best I could. I left home to be with my boyfriend but it turned out he was abusive, too. I met another lad an he was abusive as well. I ended that relationship 3 years ago. I took it really badly, I had a breakdown, which involved getting drunk and screaming at my dad about what had happened with my brother, but my family doesn’t believe me. I now have 3 lovely kids that I look after myself. I suffer from depression at times, I can be short tempered, i disassociate myself from people but I know the signs now. I look at that little girl, how brave she was, how smart she was and I hug her and tell her it wasn’t her fault. It still affects me 20 years later and sometimes when I get really down I hate myself. My abuse affects my kids, too, because of how I am today. I believe that if this hadn’t happened to me, I could laugh more and trust people easier. I blame my parents for not wondering what was wrong with this child, who screams in public, wets the bed, and wets herself at school. I was a nightmare child; seriously disturbed. I blame my father the most because even though I love him, he shouldn’t taken care of me. I think I am recovering slowly. Victims of abuse love too easily and then we get hurt too easily. I am tying to step back and go slow with everything i do now. Finally i feel I am growing up and saying good bye to the hurt little girl.
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It is easy to feel alone, singled out, and hopeless as a survivor or parent. SOSSA shares these stories with you to remind you that you're not alone. Others have struggled with sibling sexual abuse, continue to struggle with sibling sexual abuse, or have found peace in their healing.