In his book Beyond Betrayal, Dr. Richard B. Gartner insists that, "Recovery requires picking up the pieces of your past so that you can see yourself more completely than you ever have. If you don't know how you came to be who you are, your view of yourself will be distorted. You'll feel unfinished, yearning for something but not knowing what. If you see yourself more completely, however, you'll see the world more completely. Most important, you'll feel you fit into your life.... In order to see yourself and live your life more completely, you must experience your emotional past. The less you understand your past, the less you can understand and live the present and the future."
Memories alone are not enough for healing. Understanding those memories, and placing them in their proper place, is the key. I remembered what happened when I was younger, but most of my life I had interpreted those events incorrectly. I always blamed myself for my abuse. I felt I was an active participant, willing and wanting. It wasn't until I got some counseling, and began remembering more of the story, that I saw that I had been groomed from an early age. Those vague memories of being in the bathtub with Chuck painted a clearer picture for me. It took some work, but I started placing the pieces together. One thing that became very useful was creating a timeline of my life. Seeing the events of my life side by side, in their proper order, really opened my eyes.
In his book Mending the Soul, Steven R. Tracy argues that you must know what the offense was before you can even begin the process of forgiveness. He says that "One cannot, therefore, begin the real process of forgiving an abuser without painstakingly clarifying the nature and emotional results of the abuse." He continues by saying that "Abuse victims often protect themselves through denial, distortion (such as self-contempt), and dissociation. They commonly blame themselves, not the perpetrators, for the abuse and often minimize the full extent of the abuse and its effects on them. Clarifying the offense and negative results stimulates the victim to break the pattern of denial and misplaced blame and is a necessary preliminary step to forgiveness."
Though memories are important to healing, I don't believe your recovery needs to be delayed because you can't remember certain details. The effects of sexual abuse are real, and healing is possible. No amount of memory will change those facts. I believe understanding the nature of abuse and how it may have effected your life is more important than the details. Don’t let the lack of memories keep you from moving forward and finding peace.